Stop Living for Other People

A message to myself and anyone else who needs to hear it

Photo by Loonback on Unsplash

I feel like we hear this again and again, but what does it really mean?

The way I interpret it, at least the way I need to interpret it, is that I don’t need to change my personality for every person I come in contact with. I don’t need to constantly be doing things for other people. People-pleasing isn’t pleasing anyone, it’s only hurting myself.

When you people-please, you think you are being nice and making everyone like you more. But really, you are being nice at the expense of your own goals, values, and morals. Also, people don’t want nice. They want kind. They want you to be who you are, ask for the things you need, and not be an a**hole to them. Everyone is just out there trying to do their jobs and fulfill their own journeys.

I’m not saying you should never do anything for anyone else. But if you do it all the time, you are no longer a person taking up space. You are fluid, flowing in whichever direction gravity takes you. In reality, you are a person, not a fluid. People are solid, like rocks, and they deserve to take up space. They don’t need to move around other people. They need to move in the direction they want to go.

If you are surrounding yourself with good people, this won’t be an issue. It won’t be your job to explain yourself for finally being you, either. They will understand. They will be happy for you. Only toxic or narcissistic people will get upset if you take up your own, deserved space, and be yourself. Good people might be confused at first, but once they see how happy you are, the way you thrive when you put yourself first, they will accept you.

Here are some tips for getting there:

• Practice advocating for yourself.
• Validate yourself, even if it is uncomfortable at first.
• Don’t be ashamed for asking for small things. If you ignore every small issue, all the small things will turn into one big thing.
• Be alone if you aren’t sure who you are or what you stand for. Do this as long as you need to (or are able to) in order to feel comfortable not changing yourself to adapt to others.
• Remember that most things aren’t personal. Try to think…